


Shoma Did A Bad Thing

by 3ALover



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Humor, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mpreg, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 19:05:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18817138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ALover/pseuds/3ALover
Summary: Jason was quite surprised when he answered his door one morning and Shoma Freaking Uno was at his door. “Shoma, hi?” He hesitated. “What’s up?”Shoma pushed past him, looking panicked. “Okay so I need you to help me. This is when I need Jason The Loyal Friend Who Will Hide A Body For Me.”Jason’s eyes shot wide. “Please tell me you didn’t kill someone.”Shoma turned back around, staring at him fearfully. “No, but I did… a thing."Jason sat him down, rubbing his back. “Okay, Shoma, what did you do?”“I knocked up Nathan Chen.”





	Shoma Did A Bad Thing

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this last night while drunk after a night out with other trainees at this work trip I'm on and just wrote an ending today to post it. It's unedited but it's a short crack fic so who cares?

Jason was quite surprised when he answered his door one morning and Shoma Freaking Uno was at his door. “Shoma, hi?” He hesitated. “What’s up?”

Shoma pushed past him, looking panicked. “Okay so I need you to help me. This is when I need Jason The Loyal Friend Who Will Hide A Body For Me.”

Jason’s eyes shot wide. “Please tell me you didn’t kill someone.”

Shoma turned back around, staring at him fearfully. “No, but I did… a thing. A thing that will have Team USA out for my blood. Also Yuzuru for fucking up while he’s still out of commission and Team Japan kinda is riding on me.”

Jason sat him down, rubbing his back. “Okay, Shoma, what did you do?”

“I knocked up Nathan Chen.”

~

The thing was, Nathan realized, he wasn’t even that terrified? Like, looking at the pregnancy test had been A. Shock. but after he went to the university clinic and had it confirmed, he was kind of okay with it. His parents would freak the fuck out, and that was terrifying to think about, and his skating career was probably over if he had to take time off to be pregnant, and sure, he was way too young for it, but like, honestly? It wasn’t so bad.

Nathan liked kids. He always planned on having them someday. He didn’t plan on getting pregnant from a post-Worlds victory/misery hook-up with Shoma Fucking Uno, but honestly it wasn’t so bad. They had sex again at World Team Trophy and exchanged numbers to keep talking, and so far it was pretty cool. They weren’t labeling things, but Shoma was a funny guy and eternally single, just like Nathan, so it was nice to be friends instead of just friendly competitors even though they had sex twice. 

Only really rough part was having to call him and try to explain in slow enough English for Shoma to understand – because like he was learning with his language requirement for school, reading was far easier than listening to another language – that he was pregnant and Shoma was literally the only guy he had ever slept with so it was definitely his.

Shoma had agreed to come see him and deal with it then, but Nathan kind of made up his mind already. He wanted to keep the baby. He just hoped Shoma didn’t make it into such a huge Thing.

~

“YOU GOT NATHAN CHEN PREGNANT?!” 

Shoma nodded miserably. “He seems calm about it. Too calm. He just called and said I got him pregnant and I agreed to go visit him and talk about it. If he’s that calm, he’s keeping the baby.”

“NATHAN IS BARELY TWENTY!” Jason cried. “Oh my God, he’s too young to be a parent! Shoma, what did you do?!”

Shoma huffed. “It’s not like I did it on purpose! He was really tight because it was his first time and I couldn’t pull out in time!”

Jason looked at him like he was the stupidest person Jason had ever met. “You had sex with a _virgin_ teenager without condoms? Are you serious?”

Shoma blushed. “Well, I mean, I don’t really get around. I knew I didn’t have anything and he knew he didn’t, and he wasn’t technically a virgin, he’d had a girlfriend-“

“Oh my God, your ‘safe’ sex method is pulling out, Shoma, how have you never gotten an STI?” Jason demanded. 

“No, I use condoms, we just didn’t have one!” Shoma defended. “I’m not a total idiot-“

“You came inside a nineteen year old boy, I’d say that makes you a total idiot,” Jason argued. “You know damn well being a carrier is a fifty-fifty chance!”

Shoma groaned. “I knoooow. Fuck, Jason, you don’t seem to realize how serious this is! If he doesn’t want an abortion, he’s going to have to retire, and I can’t be the type of asshole that makes him never tell anybody where the baby came from. I could, the baby isn’t going to come out looking like a white person or anything, but I’m not that big of a dick.”

Jason crossed his arms, glaring. “You better fucking not be. Shoma, I swear to God, I love you, but if you abandon your boyfriend-“

“He’ s not.” Shoma rubbed at his forehead. “Jason, we’re not dating. We hooked up twice and we text. There is no romantic feeling there. We’re just… friends.”

Jason stared at him with disappointment in his features. “You’re an idiot.”

Shoma whined, falling over against the couch. “Trust me, I know.”

~

Nathan was surprised that Shoma was able to come visit so soon. He was in the middle of finals so they waited until he finished before deciding to get together and talk. When Shoma arrived, he was really surprised. “Hey,” he said, inviting him into his apartment. His suitemates were all out so they didn’t have to go to his room and hide. “You have a good flight?”

Shoma seemed to understand well enough and he nodded. “Secret training is in Canada, short flying,” he said in slow, careful English.

Nathan sat down on the couch, and Shoma sat beside him, awkwardly staring ahead. “Well, so the thing is, the clinic kind of confirmed. I’m around nine or ten weeks pregnant. So definitely worlds,” he said, and Shoma looked sick.

“O-oh. Okay.” He looked down at his hands, clearly moments from barfing. “Keep baby?” he asked.

Nathan took a breath and nodded. “Yeah. I want to keep the baby.” He glanced at Shoma’s green tinged skin. “You don’t have to like, make a big deal out of this. I’m the one who wants it. You don’t have to like, you know, stick around,” he said awkwardly, offering Shoma an out.

Shoma looked confused, and Nathan sighed. He knew he talked fast and Shoma barely understood slow English. He grabbed his phone and typed it all out. He knew from experience google translate didn’t work, but Shoma’s reading comprehension for English was a lot better than listening. When he showed it to Shoma, Shoma read slowly, eyes widening. “No!” He scoffed, surprising Nathan. “Responsible. Not right leaving alone,” he said, pointing at himself. “Must- must help. If keep baby, must help. Money and- and this things.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow. “Dude, my parents can afford to send me to Yale and pay for figure skating. I’m not exactly poor.”

“Family wealthy,” Shoma said, pointing at himself. “I have good money. I help. You do studies.”

Nathan frowned. “Don’t you? I thought most of us were enrolled in school.”

Shoma frowned, clearly struggling for a moment. "Just name. No do work.” He looked at Nathan. “You keep skate?”

Nathan sighed, shaking his head. “Nah. I’ve been thinking about retiring for a while,” he admitted. Shoma looked surprised and he smiled dryly. “I’m gonna be a doctor. Skating is amazing and I will never regret it, but doctors save lives. I need to focus on med school soon.”

Shoma smiled faintly. “Doctor good, too. Long career. Skating, it short while,” he said and Nathan was glad he understood. Most people were going to freak out. “So. How do baby and doctor school?” he asked.

Nathan had been struggling with that himself. “I mean. I guess I can get an apartment. Hire a nanny or just- just daycare. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than giving my baby to my parents for the rest of my time in med school.”

Shoma nodded slowly. “Okay. I help. Money and- and visit? Maybe not make baby only one parent?”

Nathan was surprised, but nodded. “Sure, you can be involved if you wan’t. I’m chill with that.”

Shoma sighed, still very pale. “Okay. I do this.”

There was a long silence and Nathan hummed. “Hey, so, nobody will be home for a while. Wanna have sex?” he asked bluntly.

Shoma looked surprised, but hesitated. “Well. Cannot be more pregnant?” he suggested.

Nathan nodded. “Nope.” Shoma smiled slowly and Nathan took it as permission, shoving him down on the couch to climb onto his lap. 

Shoma didn’t complain at all.

~

“Let me get this straight,” Jason said over the line and Shoma grimaced. “You had sex with him? Shoma!”

Shoma groaned, looking down at where Nathan was sleeping beside him. “Well, he’s already pregnant. Why not?”

Jason groaned. “You’re so stupid.”

“Listen, Jason, he’s really good in bed-“

“You’re a fucking moron.”

When Jason hung up on him, Shoma huffed and just tossed his phone onto the foot of the bed. He looked back down at Nathan and groaned. 

He was in bed with the random American he got pregnant. He really was a moron.

~

When Shoma told Mihoko, the first thing she did was call him an idiot and then buy him a book, embarrassingly, on safe sex. “Um, really? I’m not a child-“

She stared him down. “Pulling out is for Catholics and idiots, of which you are neither. Also I’m buying you a lifetime supply of condoms. Don’t make me personally show you how to use them because I will find a banana right now.”

Shoma flushed. “Oh my God, I use condoms, I just didn’t have one at Worlds!”

“And now you’re a father, congratulations on the consequences of thinking with your dick," Mihoko said pointedly. “You get to tell Machiko, by the way. If she signs you up to be castrated, it’s your own fault,” she added and Shoma’s eyes widened in horror.

Machiko was just harsh enough to do something like that, too.

~

Shoma spent his off-season break in Toronto with Jason, trying to learn English better. “Nathan talks way too fast for me to understand,” he explained when he made his request.

Jason sighed but agreed. “Fine. But if you so much as think about trying to get me to have sex with you, I’ll stab you with your own skate.”

Shoma scoffed. “Oh come on, I have sex _one time_ -“

“Oh?” he said with a glare and Shoma sighed.

“You have sex _four times_ -“

“Wait, four?”

“Yeah, we fucked twice at Yale,” Shoma said dismissively. “And suddenly you’re some sort of sex addict!”

Jason just glared at him pointedly.

~

Shoma thought telling Machiko was terrifying – he still had his balls, but just barely – until he had to meet Nathan’s parents while helping Nathan move into the condo off campus Shoma bought him as a “Sorry I got you pregnant” present. 

Nothing struck the fear of god into him more than Nathan’s mother unpacking cutlery while staring him down the whole time, eyes gleaming thoughtfully while holding big kitchen knives. 

However, clearly he didn’t learn his lesson, because as soon as Nathan’s parents left to go back to their hotel room for the evening, Nathan just said, “Hey, wanna have sex? Pregnancy makes me horny,” and Shoma’s pants were halfway across the room.

When Shoma lay there, looking up at Nathan as he rode him like a champ, moaning in pleasure, he realized he might, perhaps, have a slight problem with saying no to Nathan Chen’s ass. 

It was a great ass, after all.

~

After Nathan’s mother arrived to find them naked in bed together the morning he was set to leave, after a long weekend of not one, not two, but _seven_ sexual encounters, which put Nathan at ‘I’ve had more sex with him than all others combined’, there was nothing else in the world he would fear more than that woman.

Nathan’s coach was peanuts compared to an enraged mother who clearly still wanted an excuse to chop his balls off.

His time with Jason had greatly improved his English, so he could understand the conversation happening after Nathan flew to California to officially settle his career ending moves. “So yeah, I’m gonna stay in school and have a baby and retire.”

“You,” Raf said, looking at Shoma. “You did this?”

“Um, I do baby?” he answered in confusion. “Nathan, he do all other things.”

“Yeah, Raf, I’ve been thinking about retiring before Beijing for a while, because med school is gonna pick up soon, like I’ll be doing residency the same year of the Olympics, so this is for the best. Shoma getting me pregnant just kinda helped things along.”

Shoma wasn’t nearly as scared of that guy as he was Nathan’s mom, but still, the calculating way he looked at him made him remember to watch his back when skating a warmup with some of that guy’s skaters for the next few months.

(It didn’t stop him from having sex with Nathan in the locker room when Nathan suggested he say goodbye to his old rink in a way that was memorable.) 

~

Things were kinda weird. Nathan was pretty sure Shoma liked him. He kinda liked him, too. They were keeping things super casual, but like, wow, the sex was great. Nathan had slept with his girlfriend before college a few times, but with Shoma it was _crazy_ good. Every time they saw each other, they ended up having sex.

Also, like, Shoma got better at English for him. That was huge. And when Nathan was asked to do some press stuff for Skate America that fall, Shoma asked him to come out early so they could hang out since the baby was moving a lot these days and he wanted to get in on that action.

What he didn’t expect, however, was to hang out on the strip – seven month’s pregnant and under-age for some of the fun things in Vegas – and spot an Elvis Chapel and get a cool idea. Totally sober, too.

“Hey, wanna get married?” he asked Shoma, who looked confused.

“Why?”

Nathan shrugged. “Why not? I’m pregnant, it might get me extra financial aid at college. You’re not seeing anybody are you?”

Shoma hesitated. “Well… no?”

“Cool, like, we can get divorced when you meet someone. I just think it would be funny, the whole ‘Vegas wedding’ thing.”

Shoma seemed very confused, but weirdly said okay, which was how Nathan ended up wearing a hot pink veil and being married to his baby-daddy by Fake Elvis.

~

Shoma woke up and wondered why the hell he had, entirely sober, agreed to _Marry_ Nathan Chen.

He looked down at the dried cum all over the bedsheets and sighed, looking over at the sleeping college student beside him.

Oh yeah, that’s why he agreed.

~

“So, Nathan, your retirement came as a bit of a surprise,” Johnny said while interviewing Nathan. Jason watched with a cringe while trying not to yeet his phone into the wall over how bad this was all about to get for everybody involved.

“Yeah, well, I really wanted to focus on school and family.”

“Yes, tell us about that. What’s the family thing you keep bringing up?” Tara asked.

Nathan looked down at his buttoned up coat and hesitated. “Well, uh, I’m actually seven months pregnant,” he said, unbuttoning his coat to show off his belly. 

Doing so also brought attention to the gold ring on his hand. “Whoa, when did this happen?! And is that a ring?! Are you engaged?” Tara asked, looking shocked.

“Actually, we got married last night. I flew in a day early to hang out with my husband. You know him, Shoma Uno,” he said, and Jason nearly threw his phone.

It was worth not doing so and missing the spectacle that was Shoma Uno fainting in the middle of the locker room upon hearing the words coming out of Jason’s phone, though. 

~

Since the cat was out of the bag Shoma just rolled with it. “Yeah, fuck it, I got Nathan Chen pregnant and married him in front of Fake Elvis yesterday,” he said during the short program press conference.

The translator flushed and amended a bit of what he said, but Shoma didn’t care. He was a little unhappy but he realized he never said NOT to tell anybody, so why would Nathan think it wasn’t chill?

His parents, however, were not chill. They weren’t chill at all. He hadn’t found a way to tell them yet and so them finding out from the internet was Not. Good. 

His mother scheduled him a psych evaluation before he could stop her because apparently hiding that he got someone pregnant for seven months and then marrying them was also Not. Good. He knew that, but it wasn’t like he was crazy, he was just scared shitless. His mom was intense. Also he needed his dad’s money since he got Nathan a really nice condo so the baby would be in a safe neighborhood. 

In the end, Itsuki calmed them down… by agreeing on Shoma’s behalf – and without his knowledge – that Shoma was deeply in love and had moved to America to be with his beloved husband and Very Much Planned baby.

Which was how Shoma ended up sharing a bed with his _husband_ , Nathan Chen, in the apartment he bought him and had NOT planned on living in. 

But hey, the sex was still amazing, even with Nathan incredibly round and pregnant.

~

“Who knew sex could induce labor,” Nathan mused as they waited for his friend to pick them up and get them to the hospital, calm as ever while Shoma panicked.

In fact he stayed calm the whole fucking time. Shoma wasn’t sure how the fuck someone who was _pushing a screaming bundle of knees and elbows_ out of their body could be so calm, but Shoma passed out three times while Nathan just did breathing exercises like birth wasn’t supposed to be one of the most painful experiences in the history of life. 

Shoma ended up waking up from his third fainting episodes – the nurses after the first one just left him laying on the floor as long as he wasn’t in their way – and struggled to his feet just in time to watch (and try not to puke) as the baby came out crying and covered in gross stuff. 

However, weirdly enough, when the doctor just handed him the baby to give to Nathan so they could hold their baby together, he was kind of shocked to find himself overcome with tears because HOLY SHIT.

He had a son. Like, the tiny screaming thing in his hands was his _son_. When he gave the baby to Nathan, who was beaming and weirdly kind of beautiful all of a sudden for someone who objectively looked like shit.

“Um, is it weird if I think I love you?” Shoma blurted out, and Nathan just laughed.

“Nah, that’s cool. I kinda love you, too,” he said, and Shoma beamed, leaning down to peck his lips before looking down at their son again instead.

“This is really cool,” Nathan said, and Shoma was inclined to agree.

~

Epilogue:

“HA, and you said I was stupid for doing this!” Shoma said as he shoved little Devin in Jason’s face, then stick his tongue out. “You don’t have a cool baby, now do you?”

Jason just cooed and stole the baby. “Awwwwww, I want one!” He rocked Devin and beamed. “Shoma-kun, get me pregnant next!”

“Heeeey.” Nathan slid his arm around Shoma’s waist, glaring playfully. “Get your own husband,” he said, and then kissed Shoma’s cheek. “Besides. I might already be pregnant again, Shoma still never remembers condoms, and like, I threw up twice this morning,” he said nonchalantly.

Shoma’s head snapped around so fast his neck cracked. “WHAT?!”

Shoma hit the ground with a thud and Nathan and Jason both just looked down at him laying there, out cold.

“You know, I kinda worry about that,” Nathan said, bit his lip. “He faints _really_ easily.”

Jason hummed, already looking back at the baby. “Yeah, I’d get that checked on. But after playing with the baby!” he cooed and Nathan just left Shoma there for a bit so he could go play with his son with Jason for a while.


End file.
